Not Gay
by Nappy
Summary: Hell no, Craig isn't gay. Tweek isn't gay. But Craig IS bored, and Tweek IS paranoid. And Craig IS having strange feelings, and Tweek IS questioning his own sanity, as always. Creek CraigXTweek yaoi. You don't like? Megabyte me.
1. Chapter 1

Creek

Tap. Tap. Tap. Craig's fingertips drum annoyingly on the wooden desk, his wet black hair, still warm from the shower, hanging in front of his emotionless eyes. A bluebird tapped at the window outside his room, requesting entrance, only to be returned with a rude gesture of the annoying boy's middle finger. Obviously offended by his uncaring reply, the happy bird flew away in a huff, off to do better and more interesting things with his day.

Something Craig didn't have. Something to do.

Yep, he was bored out of his mind.

RING!

Oh thank god!

He jumps out of his seat, reaches across the table, and grabs the wireless phone. The edges of his mouth turn up in a tiny smirk at the name in the caller ID.

He clicks on, "Are you out of coffee again, or did the gnomes leave another huge shit on your bed?" He grabs a ball of playdough his class had made in science class, turning it over in his fingers, leaning back in his chair.

"Both! Y-You g-got to-GAH!-Come over, C-Craig!" The high-pitched voice screeches over the receiver.

Craig smiles wider, "Tweek, calm down, I'll be over in five minutes."

"H-Hurry!" Dead line.

"Oh, my god," he groans, pulling on his sneakers, still smiling at his twitchy friend's stupidity. He walks out into the snow, pulling on his blue jacket, sticking his glorious middle finger at two women walking down the sidewalk with their seven-year-old kids. He starts down the snow covered street, wondering if Tweek was dressing warm enough. He doesn't even have a jacket; the zippers frustrate him too much. One of these days the blond is going to get an ulcer. Craig couldn't help wondering how his twitchy friend would react to an…an…

An _orgasm_.

Holy shit. He stops in his tracks, pulling his jacket over the absurd bulge in his jeans. Where did THAT come from? That wasn't normal. That was actually pretty…_gay_. Craig definitely isn't _gay_. Sure, all the boys in South Park High act gay, but everyone know they're joking. No one is _actually gay_. Including Craig. No way is he gay. So what, he was imaging how Tweek would react to an orgasm, who couldn't? The twitchy blond was target for so many attacks; it's only natural for his best friend to rip on him, too.

Yet what is the feeling of excitement building up in the black-haired boy's chest?

Food. It must have been something he ate. That's all. Indigestion.

As soon as the bulge lowers, he continues walking, but he still can't get the disturbing thought off his mind. _Stop this, you ass. You're not fucking gay_, he thinks. He should be dreaming of boobs and how to score some girl in his class, not mentally undressing Tweek. God. He's so retarded.

Finally he arrives at the coffee colored house and before he can knock on the door, a hand darts out, grabs his elbow, and pulls him in.

"GAH! C-CRAIG!" A voice screeches. Suddenly Craig notices Tweek pulled him in with such force that he landed pressing him into a wall, his own leg between two shaking ones. "W-WHAT ARE Y-YOU D-DOING?!"

Great, that stupid bulge is back. He's frozen.

"C-CRAIG!" The horrified blond shouted, shaking madly underneath the six foot two inched Craig, towering over his wimpy five foot six inches.

iMove, damn it! Just move the fucking leg./i He hesitantly moves away from the freaking teen, looking away so not to show the darkening red on his cheeks.

"Okay, so where's the gnome hiding this time?" He mutters, trying to steer attention away from the embarrassing encounter. Oh yeah, he's such a smooth asshole. Great going, Craig, you fag.


	2. Chapter 2

Switching person. Third now. It's because I love all you tortured viewers who begged for more that I'm writing this next chapter. I have absolutely no idea where this is going. For creative suggestions, please do not hesitate to alert me.

Also, I think it's been a year, so my voice might have changed. Dunno. Have fun with the long awaited second chapter. I'll have to see if there'll be a third. I know it's short. I don't like this fic very much. Mainly because I don't like Creek as much as I did. Mainly because I don't like Tweek as much as I did. Craig is still the bomb, though.

* * *

How Craig found himself struggling to stay awake, sitting on the ground at the foot of Tweek's bed for a sleepover was beyond him. How did he get in this situation? Oh, right, caring about Tweek's sanity. Since when did that ever happen? He sighed and banged head against the coffee colored walls, giving a slow-reacting wince.

"GNOMES!" Came a sudden scream, just as Craig thought the jumpy kid had finally fallen asleep after lacking coffee.

"God damn it, Tweek!" He hissed after hitting his head again in surprise, rubbing it. "What the fuck?"

"I heard a th-thump! The GNOMES! They're out to g-get m-me!" He screeched, shaking in his pajamas. Craig's patience was thinning to a critical level. The past boner at imagining his friend's sex-ridden face was far from his mind, replaced with irritation. Of course, if he couldn't handle irritation, he would've broken his friendship with Tweek about nine years ago when they were eight. But no, he stuck around because of some strange protective feeling he felt over the twitchy blond. It must've been because he appeared as though he would end up shaking himself into a concussion if he didn't have someone to look after him. He was a little brother and that was all.

"Tweek…"

"They're IN THE WALLS! They-they-they stole all my c-c-coffee-e-e and are p-plotting my dem-mise!" He panicked, curling into himself. Tweek rocked back and forth in a way that would make an asylum patient afraid, omitting small, sharp screams until a fat pillow covered his face harshly. He fell back, but the pillow followed until his harsh shrieks dulled into struggled breathing.

"Are you done freaking now?" Craig asked, pulling away the pillow. He leaned over the now calmer blond who stared at him in confused wonder, only his hands showing signs of trembling.

"M-Mm… Y-Yeah…" He replied in a whisper, his friend appearing closer than Craig would usually allow. If a male was within a foot of another male, Craig labeled it 'gay'. That was just how it worked.

"Good." The raven growled and pulled back to sit on the bed, looking out the window, no longer sleepy. He couldn't sleep. He was keeping watch for any gnomes that might advance from the underwear drawer to suck out Tweek's lower intestines through bendy straws. Even if the shaky kid annoyed him, Craig had to give him points for gory creativity. It must have come from the years of forcing the most suspenseful horror movies down his throat so he got used to them. After all, Craig refused to watch anything but action and horror. He couldn't tolerate the romantic comedies his stupid sister watched featuring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. They were all the same. Meet, fuck, break up, apologize, live happily ever after. At least in horror movies, something would fuck up, a crap load of people would die, and no one lived happily ever after.

Craig liked horror films because they told the truth. No one lived happily ever after.

The football player was pulled out of his daydreams by the feeling of a stare on him. He rolled his dark blue eyes to Tweek who squeaked and squeezed his eyes shut, embarrassed at getting caught. Gay.


End file.
